1000 Years of Annoying the French

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Tanacharison (who could relate to the cow because he claimed that the French had boiled and eaten his father),”

It’s clear the author spent a lot of time researching all the facts, and this is very much appreciated. There are of course a lot of wars covered here, as is always the case with history books. Where the important people go to war, while all the other people die in them. I did learn quite a few interesting things along the way though. Like what the real Richard the Lionheart and his brother John were like, not just how they are depicted in the countless Robin Hood adaptations. Or how British propaganda is responsible for Napoleon’s false reputation. And I learned some fascinating things about the colonization of America. Like the many, many, many embarrassing mistakes that were made. And how problematic it was for everyone involved. A 'deliciously' entertaining read from start to finish - probably the most entertaining history book I've ever read (and I do enjoy a bit of history). Having read Stephen Clarke's 'A Year In The Merde' before this, my experience of reading this one was a quite welcome and pleasant subversion of my expectations - and I do have a penchant for the latter as well. Beginning with William the Conqueror (not French) and ending with Nicolas Sarkozy (French), Clarke covers a fair bit of ground including food, battles, trade, battles, Canada, battles, wine, battles, Voltaire, battles, the French Revolution and battles. Oh, and there are about seven chapters dedicated to Napoleon. The author also concludes this book by saying: “we can proudly affirm that, right down at DNA level, we’re not the same as the French. Vive la différence! (Long live the difference!)” Which honestly summarizes the essence of the problem, not just of the French/British conflicts. French and British history overlaps so much during the last thousand years, it’s impossible to separate one from the other. And yet some people still see things as “us” versus “them.” What this book should have concluded with is by saying that we’re all human. We all make mistakes. What’s done is done. Let’s learn from our mistakes and move on from them. It’s never been “us” versus “them.” It’s just been “us” the whole time, fighting amongst each other. And now it’s time to put our differences aside and start working together as one people, living together on the same planet and facing the same problems. Up your ass, Stephen! Up your ass. After all those "oh, but this French thing isn't French, it was borrowed from Britain, Austria or somewhere else!", maybe Stephen Clarke should have talked about how French Britain still is! Even if Guillaume le Conquérant (William the Conqueror) was a bastard, what happened and still happens today is that the House of Lords and the House of Commons are still French or Norman medieval, and endorsements to bills are made in Old French, using such phrasing: "Soit baillé aux Communes." "A ceste Bille les Communes sont assentus." "A ceste Bille avecque des Amendemens (or avecque une Amendement) les Communes sont assentus." "A ceste Amendement (or ces Amendemens) avecque une Amendement (or des Amendemens) les Seigneurs sont assentus." "Ceste Bille est remise aux Communes avecque des Raisons (or une Raison)." "Soit baillé aux Seigneurs." "A ceste Bille avecque des Amendemens (or une Amendement) les Seigneurs sont assentus." "A ceste Bille les Seigneurs sont assentus." And then, once royal assent is given, the law is announced by the Clerk of the Parliament in these words: « La Reyne le veult. » If this isn't hilarious, I don't know what is.

Retailers:

It's a brilliant book, yes perhaps at the expense of the French, but more than this it is a love letter to both cultures and the sometimes healthy, sometimes unhealthy, rivalry between the two. It’s not tactless or provocative – relations couldn’t be better between the British Embassy and their French hosts – it’s simply there. Just as the battle between the sexes will never end (we hope), neither will the millennium-old rivalry between the French and anyone who happens to be born speaking English. A Finalist for the 2022 James Beard Foundation Cookbook Award and the 2022 IACP Award (International)

You learn a lot about the impact of France on the world. In many cases, as the book has a clear anti-French bias (albeit tongue-in-cheek apparently) Clarke takes pains to point out where our common understanding of the influence of France on history is misplaced. Research for The French Revolution and What Went Wrong took him deep into French archives in search of the actual words, thoughts and deeds of the revolutionaries and royalists of 1789. He has now re-emerged to ask modern Parisians why they have forgotten some of the true democratic heroes of the period, and opted to idolize certain maniacs. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ...

I realize that any book that gives a balanced view of history is going to irritate French people a lot. So I’m really sorry, France, but the 1,000 years of being annoyed by les Anglo-Saxons aren’t over yet … A bonus is that the humor is on point most of the times which by itself this saves the book in many cases.